im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
