my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
