i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize