My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize