he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
