The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
