This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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