made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
