So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Girls should come with a carfax report
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
