take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
