i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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