his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
