Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
