Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so explain again why im purple
no
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
