maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You need a sexual gate keeper
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
