You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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