two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
