Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
