All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize