I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
