She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
