if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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