some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
