So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
