I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
