Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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