maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You ruined the universe
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
