maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
