you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
