i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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