he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize