and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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