Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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