i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize