'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
