i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
