i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
