Do you still have your period?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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