Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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