omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
