I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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