I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
