We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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