its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
