i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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