Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
