when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
