well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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