Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
