If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
