I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
