I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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