I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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