We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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