My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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