the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
