is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
