I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
