THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize