just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
