There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
