She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
