I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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