Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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