Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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