Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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