I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
