You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
