I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
