Little spoons don't ask big questions
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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